Muslim Matrimonial: Changing Traditions


Traditionally, arranging Muslim matrimonial is easy. Your parents find you prospective wife or husband by networking with their friends and family When they find a nice looking girl, they contact the parents of the prospect to look at how well the families mesh, and judge the character of the prospect. Only then though, they arrange chaperoned meetings. So only after your prospective partner has gone through the entire filtering system do you get to meet, and take a look at one another in the hopes that youíll like one another well enough to get married.

Today, that old system doesnít work so well. In particular, young Muslims who donít live in a traditionally Muslim area have difficulty with Muslim matrimonial searches. You may not live near your parents any more. You might not know many Muslims in your area. Or your parents just don't understand the tastes and desires of young Muslims. Perhaps the girls they propose for marriage are too uneducated, or prospective husbands they parade in front of their daughter are too old fashioned. 

The Western way of love matches isnít any better. You date prospects, you get to know one another, and then you get married. With this sort of marriage, the divorce rate is high even among Muslims. Marriage never is a sure thing, but a fifty-fifty chance isnít good enough.

It may seem easier to not get married at all. But thatís not how man or woman was meant to be; God created us as sexes so that we could come together in matrimony, together more than the sum of the individuals. A man is happier when he has a wife, and a woman happier when she has a husband. And together, man and wife are stronger financially, socially, and spiritually. But how do you find the right mate in an increasingly Westernized world?

God helps those who help themselves. Instead of trusting to a system that no longer works for you, or haphazardly dating those who cross your path, you should take action for yourself. Create your own planned marriage. Donít overlook the old ways; let your relatives know youíre looking for the right person. Finding a mate through those you know and love is still the best way to make a match. You can also try attending functions where young Muslims gather: weddings, campus clubs, or community functions. If you go with friends, maybe someone youíre with can introduce you to someone who looks interesting. 


But if neither of these ways is working, what can you do?

There is a third option for a young Muslim seeking a mate: looking online. Itís like using the computer to be your matchmaker, instead of hiring one. Muslim matrimonial sites are out there, and theyíre increasing in numbers. By using the Internet, you can maintain traditional modesty when looking for a mate, even though youíre doing it yourself. Youíre not meeting anyone in-person without a chaperon which is considered illegal by Islamic law. You may not even be exchanging real names. But youíre getting to know someone on a deeper level than you would in a chaperoned meeting, or at a social function. Itís scary because itís not traditional at all; but it maintains Islamic tradition while allowing you to look for a mate yourself.

Muslim matrimonial sites are especially efficient because of their search capabilities. You can search for exactly the right person, and then correspond with any or all of the young men or young women who match your requirements. Looking for a young Indonesian Muslim man who lives in the US, makes more than $50,000 a year, and whose hobbies include flying kites and riding horses? You can search for it at a Muslim matrimonial site.

There are drawbacks to using the Internet to look for a mate, too. The biggest problem: people lie sometimes, and it's easier to lie online. In general, someone whoís earnestly looking for a spouse probably won't use information thatís way off the mark, but you need to be wary.

You should also be careful not to reveal too much about yourself. You should be honest about things like your income, your family history, and your social background, but it isnít safe to tell someone you meet on the Internet what your real name is or what city you live in.

When you use Muslim matrimonial sites, you may just look for prospects, instead of posting your own ad. But what if the person whoís perfect for you doesn't post his or her ad online either? Theyíll never find you if you donít write your own ad. When you do place your ad, be honest and ask for what you really want. Your perfect spouse is out there, if you only look.



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